Christmas is often called the most wonderful time of the year, and for good reason. Whether you celebrate for religious reasons or just to embrace the festive spirit with your friends and family, the season has a way of filling people with joy from their heads to their mistletoes.
This year, before Santa graces you with his presents, you can treat your elf to the very best Christmas jokes and puns. So, go ahead — lose those resting Grinch faces, gather your pals (including your furry friends), and get ready to have snow much fun sharing these uproarious Christmas quips.
You snow what time it is
It’s snow secret that I love Christmas!
Oh, for goodness flakes!
There’s snow place like home for the holidays.
I promise I’d never flake on you.
What falls at Christmas but never gets hurt? Snow.
How do you take your snow globe, shaken or stirred?
Coal in my stocking? Snow, thank you!
There’s snow time like the present.
That Grinch is up to snow good.
I only have ice for you, my love.
Snow way, man
What did one snowman say to the other? “Do you smell carrots?”
Why did the little snowman love kindergarten? They got to do snow and tell.
What is a snowman’s favorite cereal? Ice Krispies.
Why was the snowman looking at the carrots? He was picking his nose.
Why are snowmen so popular? They’re super cool.
What do you call a friend group of snowmen? Snowmies.
What did the snowman say when he got the joke? “Icy what you did there.”
Why did the snowman fight the carrot? It wouldn’t get out of his face.
Did you hear about the snowman party? It was a Snow Ball.
Now that’s a glow-up
You look tree-mendous this Christmas.
I’m pining for you.
Fir-get about it!
Call me sappy, but that’s a beautiful Christmas tree.
There’s nothing quite like a Christmas tree to spruce things up.
Why was the Christmas tree bad at knitting? It had too many needles.
Reindeer love decorating Christmas trees. They hang horn-aments all over them.
What was Santa’s favorite subject in school? Chemis-tree.
This Christmas is sure to be tree-mendous!
- How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out? They get spruced up.
What do you say to a grumpy Christmas tree? “Lighten up!”
Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed a trim.
While waiting for Santa to come, all the kids were on pines and needles.
- What’s a Christmas tree’s favorite candy? Orna-mints.
Let’s branch out this Christmas.
Read, set, glow!
Ready for Santa Paws
Every dog wants to be home for the howl-idays.
I can’t wait to woof down Christmas dinner.
- Wishing you pugs and kisses this Christmas!
Don’t go barking up the wrong Christmas tree.
I can’t wait for Santa Paws to bring lots of treats!
Have a Meowy Christmas and a Happy Mew Year!
- What’s a dog’s favorite Christmas carol? “Bark! The Herald Angels Sing”
Put on Your Christmas paw-jamas…Santa Claws is coming tonight!
Are you feline as festive as I am?
Will you hiss me under the mistletoe?
We’re out of eggnog??? You’ve got to be kitten me!
What do cats listen to during the holiday season? Christmas mew-sic!
Did you hear about the dog that loved Christmas? It went dachshund through the snow!
Make this Christmas elfin hilarious
Come take a Christmas elfie with me.
Don’t forget to treat your-elf this Christmas.
I have a helfy dose of Christmas spirit.
Did you hear they changed the elf-abet? Now there’s Noel.
Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
The greatest Christmas present is believing in your elf.
Why did Santa never go to school? He was elf-taught.
Who is the most famous singer in the North Pole? Elf-is Presley.
What is an elf’s favorite type of music? Wrap.
Did you hear about the elf that won the lottery? He’s very welfy now.
Christmas is no time to be elfish.
And now for some Santa jokes. Why? Be-claus.
Did you hear that Santa got a ticket? He left his sleigh in the snow parking zone.
How does Santa keep his money safe? He keeps it in the snow bank.
Who delivers Christmas presents in the ocean? Santa Jaws.
Did you know Santa won an Olympic gold medal? He’s a professional North Pole vaulter.
What do you call Santa Claus with no money? Saint Nick-elless.
Did you know that Santa gardens? He loves to hoe hoe hoe.
How does Santa keep his clothes clean? He uses Yule-tide.
What do you call Santa on a beach vacation? Sandy Claus.
Did you know that Santa has a pet duck? He calls it his Christmas Quacker.
What’s Santa’s favorite state to visit? Idaho-ho-ho.
Why does Santa use GPS when delivering presents? He doesn’t want to be a lost Claus.
- Why doesn’t Santa like elevators? Because he’s Claus-trophobic.
I am absolutely Claus-itive that this will be a great Christmas!
- Where does Santa keep all his red suits? In the Claus-et.
What is Santa’s favorite candy? Jolly Ranchers.
Santa has just Claus to put you on the naughty list.
You’ll be s-mitten by these puns
That classic sleigh is in peppermint condition.
Baby, you’re my snow angel.
I work hard to get this gingerbread.
I’m stocking up on my favorite holiday treats!
I sleigh in my Christmas PJs.
Your presents is requested.
Yule always be in my heart.
All you needle is love.
I will have the final sleigh.
If you’re jingle, meet me under the mistletoe.
I’m gonna make it rein up in here!
How rude-olph you.
Wake me up before you cocoa.
Just in the St. Nick of time!
Coal in my stocking? Scrooge that!
And last but not feast…
What do gingerbread men use when they sprain an ankle? Candy canes.
Why is it so cold on Christmas? Because it’s in Decembrrrrr.
What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo.
How do sheep spread Christmas cheer? They sing “Fleece Navidad.”
What did the Christmas ornament do on the tree? He just hung out.
Where does Santa keep his red suit? In the Claus-et.
How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh? With Santa-tizer.
Why do birds fly south for Christmas? It’s too far to walk.
Who is never hungry at Christmas dinner? The turkey — it’s always stuffed.
What did the elves say when they were done packing Santa’s sleigh? “That’s a wrap!”
AUTHOR
Beginning her writing career as a print journalist, Hanna Marcus worked as a beat reporter and general assignment reporter in newsrooms throughout Florida including The Tampa Bay Times, The Orlando Sentinel, The Naples Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun. Now a full-time freelance writer, she writes for clients such as Hot Topic, New Balance, BoxLunch, and others.