Reflections on the Holiday Blues

Written by our Founder and CEO, the Celebrations Pulse letters aim to engage with our community. By welcoming your ideas and sharing your stories, we want to help you strengthen your relationships with the most important people in your life.

While the holiday season sparkles with light and joy for most of us, it can also cast shadows. The pressure to create a “perfect” holiday can feel overwhelming. For those dealing with strained relationships or isolation, the emphasis on togetherness can amplify feelings of disconnection.

Everyone, to some extent, struggles with what I call the duality of the holidays. On one hand, there’s the part brimming with merriment and mistletoe. On the other, there’s a quieter, darker corner filled with sadness, feelings of inadequacy, and the weight of unmet expectations.

These opposing emotions can exist at the same time, creating a complicated landscape that isn’t always easy to navigate. It can also be challenging to tell the extent to which someone might be experiencing the holiday blues, as an outward appearance of holiday cheer can easily mask these feelings.

That’s why it’s important for all of us to use our power of connection and do what we can to support others during this period. For some, the best gift we can offer is understanding and compassion. A simple check-in, a kind word, or an invitation to share in the season can make a world of difference to someone who finds the holidays a little harder to celebrate.

The weight of nostalgia

A 2023 survey by the American Psychological Association confirmed that adults feel both joyous and overwhelmed by the holidays. Nearly nine out of 10 said that concerns such as not having enough money, missing loved ones, and family conflict cause stress this time of year.

All these factors tie back to the weight of nostalgia and expectation. For instance, visiting your childhood home might bring back memories of simpler times, but it can also highlight how much has changed.

The rituals and traditions you once cherished may now feel hollow or forced, and the relationships you had with family members may have shifted in ways that are difficult to reconcile. And for those grappling with loss, the visit can feel bittersweet, a reminder of what once was and what will never be the same.

I recently spoke with Dr. George Everly, a renowned author and psychologist at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, about why the holidays can be so challenging. Dr. Everly – with whom I’ve written Lodestar, our best-selling book on self-help strategies – also serves on the 1-800-Flowers.com Connectivity Council.

Dr. Everly explains that part of the challenge comes from something called nostalgia bias. “Our memories tend to be biased and static, freezing the past in time,” he says. “This can lead us to idealize the ‘good old days,’ sometimes distorting memories to affirm them.”

To overcome nostalgia bias, Dr. Everly offers practical advice: “Remember, you’ve grown and changed – and so have others. A reality check is crucial,” he says. “The ‘good old days’ weren’t always as good as we remember; they had their own challenges.”

In other words, Dr. Everly encourages acceptance of change, likening it to the Greek god Proteus, who thrived by adapting to his environment. “Use your positive memories as a springboard to create a brighter future,” Dr. Everly says.

Navigating other pressures

The holiday blues can arise for many other reasons, like loss, loneliness, or financial strain.

For those grieving, the season can magnify the absence of a loved one. However, honoring their memory — whether by baking their favorite dessert or sharing cherished stories — can bring comfort and foster healing. Though these conversations may feel daunting, they often lead to meaningful connection.

If loneliness feels overwhelming, reaching out can make all the difference. Open up to trusted friends or family, join community events, or volunteer your time. Acts like delivering meals, assisting at food banks, or supporting local charities can not only help others but also remind us of the season’s deeper purpose: connection and kindness.

Financial stress is another common challenge, but meaningful moments don’t require extravagant spending. Small, heartfelt gestures often leave the most lasting impression. Shifting focus from material giving to acts of kindness, such as checking in on a friend or sharing a meal, can bring true holiday joy.

Embracing the heart of the holiday

As the year draws to a close, let’s give ourselves permission to embrace the holidays in a way that feels right for us. Whether it’s a quiet evening with a good book, a gathering of loved ones, or a moment of solitude, know that your feelings are valid and your well-being matters.

The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Their true magic lies in moments of connection, kindness, and reflection. If you’re feeling weighed down, remind yourself that small, intentional steps can create joy, both for yourself and others. Whether it’s volunteering, sharing a laugh, or simply being present, these actions bring the season’s spirit to life.

All the best,

Jim

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